Welcome back. It's a new year and and the world is in a real mess.

Financial turmoil continues. Israel has invaded Gaza again. The trains are more expensive and more broken than they were in 2008. The conflict in Afghanistan looks like going from bad to worse.

And, to top it all off, I've become profoundly disturbed at the state of my wife's Windows laptop.

Despite having all the sensible protection in place its riddled with malware and we've been left feeling powerless, baffled and paranoid.

No doubt that's how most Windows users feel most of the time. But the point of this post is how can this be and what can we do about it?

My wife pays me to support her Windows XP computer (don't ask) which she uses for her work as a civil servant. It's not that she prefers Windows, it's just that she needs Internet Explorer to access some government portals.

Naturally I have, over the years, snuck as much free and (ideally) open source stuff onto her laptop as possible. In common with many of us in the Free Software world we have an aversion to paying for software. So it comes as no surprise that I have stuck with the free version of the anti-virus software from Grisoft who make the excellent AVG.

Unfortunately, and of course with hindsight inevitably, 'free' proprietary software which is good and gets widely adopted can become 'not free' any more.

Just before Christmas when I was away my wife called me with a problem. Her computer had just 'gone funny'. The virus checker (run manually) found half a dozen 'trojans' attempting to do all sorts of nefarious things.

The computer was immediately switched off and our online bank was contacted. A lot of fuss and bother.

On my return I found out that my parsimony had lead to using a free virus checker which did only just that, checked for viruses. It seems that the vulnerabilities of the Windows operating systems are now so legion that quite simply I did not have enough protection and thus got zapped. 

I read all about the root-kits and spywares – a grief only Windows users have to suffer. To cut a long story short (and a few hours repairs), I had to buy AVG!

The latest AVG 8.5 at £47.50 (online + CD) works great by the way.

My wife's computer is now fine albeit some icons look odd and the task bar only will display three shortcuts but, hey, I now have low expectations and feel quite pleased with this.

However, returning my credit card to my wallet (yes, I used my Linux computer to make the purchase) I was torn between gratitude and resentment.

A quick search of the Internet revealed that I can buy a legitimate Windows XP Pro SP3 for £56. I ignored Windows Vista because, apparently, everyone does.

Excuse me, £56! I just paid £47.40 for AVG. This means that in the Windows-world you buy an operating system and then you have to pay much the same again to use it on the Internet!

Surely anybody can see that that is just bonkers.

No doubt this explains why high street PC stores are so keen to sell virus protection with their OEM computers. Apparently some sales staff are even trying to shift it with Linux netbooks. How amusing.

So to welcome in 2009 I am launching an analogy competition.

My own attempt is: 'It's like buying a car for £1000 and then having to purchase a separate £1000 'wheel-kit' to use it on the highway'. 

It's a little lame, I know. No doubt others can do much better. 

But please folks, wake up. Are you really made of money? Do you have infinite time to waste? Of course not.

There is only one low-risk software procurement strategy: Free, Open Source software on some sort of Open Source OS.

It's not perfect but I can't be doing with another dose of winter flu.

2009. The year of the Penguin?

It's no secret that the UK's car industry is suffering badly in the economic downturn. Whilst giant US car manufacturers face bankrupcy and the UK government considers providing emergency credit to  Jaguar-Landrover, other industry players must look at innovative solutions to remain competitive.

Nestling in the heart of Surrey, Trident Honda first considered Open Source software when they were faced with an eye-watering £75,000 to 'update' their existing Citrix MetaFrame infrastructure.

The company's FD, in particular, has been instrumental in the company's move away from proprietary lock-in and expensive bespoke hardware to software freedom and  commodity thin-client terminals.

Sirius provides ongoing technical support for the new, Linux-based infrastructure. Staff still have access to Honda's mission-critical extranet using IE6 and specialist Windows-only software such as ADP Autoline.

Trident have slashed their licensing overheads by more than half in the first year, reduced their vulnerability to Windows viruses and drastically improved network uptimes.

A weary early 21st century Microsoft executive travels to the near 'post-recession' future UK and is greeted by an horrific situation:

Computer hardware is now just a commodity product; software is all free and open source and technical support on stable and secure software is merely an insurance policy. Worse, regulation and agreed standards are preventing monopolies from thriving and product interoperability is taken for granted.

Our hero is right to be shocked. Back in 2008 when he left ...

• the UK Central Government was spending more on IT than its counterpart in the world's third largest economy (Germany), and ...
• the most profitable educational market in the world for Microsoft was the UK which generated hundreds of millions of dollars due to the exclusive deal with the UK Government, and ...
• the National Health Service was spending over £100 million on software licences, and ...
• Her Majesty's Government 'valued' as an 'asset' its combined Microsoft licences at about £120 million (Ed. if its an asset try reselling it).

Back to the future, proprietary vendor FUD has failed and common sense has prevailed. Failed public sector IT projects are no more. The UK school assessment agency responsible for approved software indoctrination has been abolished (National Assessment Agency).

So, asks our hero, what went wrong? How did this nightmare vision of the future happen?

Bit by bit the story unfolds.

An exhausted elite band of the 'penguinistas' surviving hand to mouth in an Earth destroyed by a corrupt and greedy financial system and incompetent box-ticking gerontocracy, had sent a Tux 2000 terminator back in time.

It's mission was to prevent the infamous meeting in Number 10 Downing Street between the then newly elected Prime Minister, Tony Blair, and the then CEO of Microsoft, Bill Gates. It was here their Memorandum of Understanding was to be signed.

So Tux 2000 carried a nasty Windows virus (Ed. which later was to destroy Internet Explorer 7) back to 1997. Tracking down Mr Gates on his yacht off Seattle, cuddly Tux 2000 allowed itself to be picked up (there was no fear of penguins in these times) and pass on its platform-specific infection.

Mr Gates was ill for weeks and could not travel as the virus proved to be very contagious. The rest, as they say, is history.

Our hero's mission, it is now plain, is to return to 1997 and destroy that penguin before it is too late.